There are many myths about rape and sexual assault, and it is important not to perpetuate these. Myths such as the examples below seem embedded in our society and are dangerous and can be used by perpetrators to explain or justify rape and sexual assault.
No, they are not. YOU are not.
The majority of rapes (approximately 90%) are committed by persons known to the victim.
So called ‘date or acquaintance’ rape is very common with assaults regularly taking place in the home. The outdated notion of scary figures lurking in alleys is not only threatening, but dangerously misleading because it reinforces the message that home is safe, and rape can be prevented by avoiding certain places. The effect of this is that it puts blame on the woman, on you, when in fact you carry none of the blame.
It also assumes a particular ‘victim’ profile, i.e. suggesting that women coming home from an evening out, or maybe just coming home late from work, are in some way responsible for the acts of their aggressors. They are not. You are not.
As a woman you have a right to be able to walk the streets free of fear. The blame always lies with the aggressor.
This is another dangerous myth which places the blame on you. Wearing a low neckline or a short skirt does not make you responsible for any violence against you. The abuser is responsible for the assault; the rapist is responsible for the rape. Not you. You were not “asking for it”, again this excuses the aggressor’s behaviour when in reality that behaviour is inexcusable and is entirely their doing.
It is extraordinary that this myth has perpetuated when it is in no way supported by the facts. Perhaps the scariest myth for us, because the chilling facts indicate the very opposite.
Research conducted with rapists indicates:
• Most rapes are premeditated and planned;
• Many rapists fail to get an erection or ejaculate;
• Perpetrators rape to feel powerful and in control, not for sexual pleasure. Repeat: it is about them exerting power and control over you in order to diminish and humiliate you, it is not about passion, it is NOT about sexual pleasure
Another dangerous stereotype is the ‘vindictive woman’ or the ‘woman scorned’, the idea that women routinely lie to spite or punish an ex or even current partner or lie to cover a drunken mistake.
This scenario accounts for an estimated 0.6% of rape allegations. Such stereotyping re-victimises and stigmatises the other 99.4%, undermining their support in seeking justice, and portraying women as altogether untrustworthy.
The legal definition of rape in England and Wales, as defined in the Sexual Offences Act in 2003, is as follows:
(1) A person (A) commits an offence if—
(a) he intentionally penetrates the vagina, anus or mouth of another person (B) with his penis and...
(b) B does not consent to the penetration, and...
(c) A does not reasonably believe that B consents.
(2) Whether a belief is reasonable is to be determined having regard to all the circumstances, including any steps A has taken to ascertain whether B consents.
The key word here is
CONSENT
Furthermore, consent is not ongoing; it is something that has to be asked for every time any new form of sexual activity takes place, even if it is with a previous sexual partner or a sex worker/prostitute.
Sex workers/prostitutes have the same rights regarding consent as anyone else, and the transactions they negotiate are only for consensual activities.
The idea that rape somehow doesn’t apply in this context further disempower sex workers/prostitutes, excusing the abuse they suffer and discouraging them from reporting sexual violence crimes.
Our brain is a clever beast and it responds to threat in a variety of ways. When you are in a state of complete panic your responses will be reflexive and you will have virtually no conscious control over any of them.
When it comes to sexual violence the most common physiological response can be summerised as ‘The 4 Fs’
Fight – a basic survival strategy in which you may respond to your aggressor giving like for like
Flight – another basic survival strategy in which you put as much physical distance between yourself and the aggressor as possible
Freeze – if the first two have been unsuccessful, if you have been overpowered in your fight or unable to flee, then the next survival tactic in your armour is to freeze. Have you heard the term ‘playing possum’ in which the animal feigns death in order to defeat the prey? Well something similar happens to us in this situation
Flop – takes this response one step further. You loose all tension in your body and literally flop. The survival purpose of this is that if you are about to receive a blow, you are more likely to survive it, or lessen the injury if your body is ‘soft’ and offering no resistance.
So as we said above, the brain is a clever beast, it has all these tactics to help you survive, but of course they are open to misinterpretation for those who do not know or are not willing to understand.
Freeze and flop are particularly problematic as they might be interpreted by your aggressor as a form of consent and there may be no evidence of non-consensual evidence on your body (as we said above, in ‘flop’ mode, your body offers less resistance).
When this lack of evidence is challenged it may prompt you to doubt your own responses to what has happened. It’s hard for anyone who has not experience such an assault to understand and easy for them to rush to judgement. The fact is, it is the brain’s survival responses to the situation. It in no way signifies consent. Sadly, lack of understanding is still rife, but here at West Cornwall Women’s Aid we do understand, we believe you and we are listening.
